


A Craving In My Soul

by Taliesin_niseilaT



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Abduction, Dark, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Not Snowbert Friendly, Rape/Non-con Elements, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9913448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliesin_niseilaT/pseuds/Taliesin_niseilaT
Summary: There is a part of Caitlin that needs this. Inflicting pain seems to be the only thing that will dull her own.And Julian, well. He screams beautifully.Perhaps she will keep him.





	

_a craving in my soul_

 

There is a part of her that needs this. Needs to hurt people. Needs to hear them scream. The heat that floods her body offsetting the permafrost in her chest. Inflicting pain seems to be the only thing that will dull her own.

 

And Julian, well. He screams beautifully.

 

Perhaps she will keep him, this beautiful blond boy that Barry loves. Perhaps she will tether him to her, hide him away, use him as she sees fit. She has a lot to learn about her powers. Julian seems to be made of stern stuff. He’ll be resilient. Not easy to break. Not easy to kill.

 

If she’s careful, she can have a lot of fun with him.

 

Better make sure Barry doesn’t find out. She’ll lay a careful trail suggesting Julian has gone back home to England. No one is going to come looking for him here, at the house she once bought with Ronnie. It’s stood abandoned for many years.

 

It’s so cold. It suits her perfectly.

 

She trails a perfectly manicured hand over Julian’s cheekbone. ‘So pretty,’ she murmurs.

‘Don’t touch me!’ he snaps. ‘Tsss.’ Her fingers turn cold and Julian hisses at the burn, jerks his head away. She’s got him tied to a chair. She’s not afraid he’ll scream, because there’s no one around to hear him, not for miles. Besides, she likes his smart mouth. She throws him a cruel smile before pressing her mouth to his, careful not to use her powers.

 

He makes a horrified sound, like it hadn’t occurred to him before that this might happen. Foolish boy. She drags her sharp nails over the skin of his neck. ‘You’ll be good for me,’ she tells him. The fear in his eyes is lovely. ‘No,’ he whispers.

 

‘I wasn’t asking,’ she says. Oh, but his skin is so soft, so unblemished. She will adorn it with bruises and frostbite. Make it clear who Julian belongs to now. Stake a claim before Barry has a chance to.

 

Why does she keep thinking about Barry?

 

Barry’s not here. Julian is, with his deep blue eyes, his lean body, his mouth made for kissing, made for begging. She _will_ make him beg. For food, for water, for sleep.

 

But not yet. Her fingers ache for blood. Not Julian’s, he’s too precious. ‘I’ll be back before long,’ she assures him, kissing him again, leaving a bite on his lip. She leaves him, after checking that he won’t be able to escape while she’s away.

 

She’s impatient tonight, angry that she has to drive for miles before spotting a living soul.

 

*

 

He thinks of Barry, when Snow snarls and hurls threats at him. He thinks of the softness of Barry’s mouth when she kisses him harshly, thinks of Barry’s long fingers when she drags her nails over his skin.

 

Barry’s all he thinks about.

 

Once she leaves the room, his mind races for a way out, a way to contact someone, anyone. He’s in a dark room with windows that have been boarded up, a deadbolt on the door. He gets the uncomfortable feeling Snow has kept people here before.

 

She had, of course, not let him see where they were. Had snatched him up in the middle of the police precinct, knocked him out with some chemical, driven him out here.

 

Apparently with the sole purpose of toying with him, making him a pawn in some perverted game.

 

He leans his head against the back of the chair, and thinks of Barry’s green eyes.

 

*

 

She bursts back in, happy to see Julian hasn’t moved. She carefully unties his right hand.

‘No games,’ she warns him, shoving a pen and a notepad under his nose, ‘Write Barry a note. Tell him you’re sorry and you’re going home.’

‘What? No –’ Her hand is on his left arm in an instant, freezing it. He screams. ‘I said, no games. And if you ever want to use your hands again, don’t even think about putting some secret message in there.’ Their eyes meet, hers glowing bright blue.

 

He has no choice.

 

*

 

_Barry, I am so sorry. I loved what we had but it’s time for me to go home. I will never forget. X Jules_

‘What is this bullshit?’ Barry snaps in the middle of Julian’s empty apartment, the walls stripped bare, all of his things gone overnight. Six months and Julian leaves him a fucking _note?_ That won’t stand. How far could he really have gone? They were together the night before last. He’ll get Cisco to run their best software to track Julian’s movements. He’ll flash over to the airport and search for Julian. Even if there’s nothing he can say to change Julian’s mind, he has to see him one more time. He’ll think of something.

 

*

 

Julian cries, when she makes him write the break-up note. She smiles at him, and for a second she just looks like Caitlin Snow, the kind scientist who couldn’t hurt a fly.

 

‘You must really love him,’ she muses.

 

‘You know I do,’ he grits out, ‘You were there right from the start.’

 

She shrugs. ‘It’s okay. You’ll come to love me, too.’ Fire flares in his eyes. ‘No. I won’t.’

 

She smiles wistfully, cups his cheek and kisses him deeply, forcing her tongue into his mouth. ‘You’ll beg for more,’ she says, undoing the top button of his shirt. Julian is breathing heavily, panic rising, but she can almost tell herself that he’s getting aroused by her touch.

 

*

 

‘Caitlin,’ he says, and his voice cracks even as he feels her tense up at the use of her name, ‘Please don’t do this.’ Her fingers slide over his collarbone. _Think of Barry. Barry’s hands, Barry’s mouth on mine._ ‘Please, I –’ He can’t fight his tears any longer. ‘I’ll do whatever you want, just not this.’

‘But _this_ is what I want,’ she snarls.

He needs Barry right now. Needs him to rush in and save the day like he always does. _But he doesn’t even know I’m in trouble. Barry thinks I left him._ He hates feeling powerless, his hands tied, threatened by her powers, unable to fight back. He can’t even wipe away his tears. And he knows she loves that. She’s unbuttoning his shirt when her phone rings out a Team Flash alert. Her eyes flash dangerously at the interruption. ‘I’m gonna go help your dear Barry stop a meta,’ she says, ‘and when I get back, you and I can have some real fun.’

 

She leaves. He’s so, so cold.

 

*

 

She wears the power-dampening cuffs to work, then takes them off at the end of the day to go home to Julian. When she’s just Caitlin Snow, she doesn’t think about him, doesn’t react to Barry’s sad eyes. She casually mentions them to Julian though, just to see the hurt there. Then she segues flawlessly into a cheerful, ‘How are you feeling?’

 

‘What?’ he snaps. She smiles. ‘See, I’ve been on that chair – metaphorically speaking – many times. Working with _the_ _Flash_ isn’t exactly great for your personal safety... as you know by now.’ She grins cruelly. He moves his head, trying to shake off his confusion and pain. ‘So here’s what happens, in my experience.’ She knows she looks like a classic villain about to explain her plans for her victim, but she’s enjoying this too much.

 

‘At first you feel strong. Ready to fight, impossible to break. You know your friends will come to your rescue at any moment. You’re hyperaware of the seconds ticking away. It won’t be long.’ She blasts ice into the air, chilling the room even further.

 

‘It’s a couple of hours later now. You’re sore and hungry and thirsty and so fucking cold. Where _are_ they? Where’s Barry? Surely he knows something’s off about that note. Even if not, is he really just gonna let you leave? You put up a brave face but I see right through you. You’re _scared._ ’

 

*

 

‘You’ve got the best part to come. Gradually you’re going to get exhausted, but sleep is out of the question. Not in this cold, not with your hands tied behind your back and hurting so much, not on that hard chair, not when I could torture or kill you on a whim.’

 

She creates a chair out of thin air, uses her hands to shape it and solidify it into ice. Stepping behind him, she freezes through the ropes on his wrists and rubs them almost gently. ‘Try the new chair, Julian,’ she whispers, her breath icy on his skin. He swallows and forces himself to get up, every muscle in his body straining after hours in the same position. He expects the chair to break, expects the ice to shatter under his weight, but it doesn’t. Her powers really are quite something. For a moment, he finds himself wondering about all the good she could do with them, if only they didn’t turn her evil. Then the cold starts to seep through his clothes just as she wraps new rope around his chest and arms. ‘Caitlin,’ he says, ‘Caitlin, I can’t, the cold, you’re gonna kill me. Please.’ She laughs. ‘Pleading, Julian? That must hurt your pride.’ She judges the situation carefully, then says, ‘You’ll be perfectly fine for half an hour or so.’

 

At least she keeps her promise and unties him after half an hour of taunting him with demonstrations of her powers. ‘Come with me,’ she says, pushing him through the hallway with a cold hand gripping his neck. ‘You can sleep here.’ She doesn’t tie him up this time, though of course the door locks thoroughly behind him and there’s no window in the room. But there is a bed, at least, and the air here is relatively warm. It feels like an awfully permanent thing to do, put him in a nicer room. He doesn’t trust this situation at all.

 

But he’s so tired. He kicks his shoes off, settles his weary body down onto the bed, pulls the covers up to his chin and stares at the dark ceiling, trying to force his exhausted brain to think of a way out of here. There’s nothing. His thoughts drift to Barry instead, and maybe that could help him. _What would Barry do? He’d talk her down._ But he’s no good with psychology. No good with people, really.

 

He refuses to think about Caitlin touching him.

 

*

 

Barry has been to every place he can think of and Cisco has outdone himself trying to find Julian, but there’s no trace of him. ‘I think he really did go home,’ Caitlin says gently, ‘It would be better for you if you let him go.’ Barry shakes his head, desperate for answers. ‘I can’t, Caitlin. Something’s not right. I’m sure of it.’

 

Iris takes to sleeping on Barry’s couch once she finds out he’s been crying himself to sleep night after night. She’s determined to keep an eye on him, afraid he’ll rush into fights headfirst with little care for his own life. The two of them sit up late and talk about Julian. About dating someone who’s so high-maintenance, about falling in love when you least expect it, about thinking everything’s normal only to be left out in the cold because your partner decided to leave.

 

‘I don’t know what it _is_ about this note,’ Barry says, turning it over and over in his hands, ‘But I can’t help it. It doesn’t make sense that Julian would break up with me like this. He always seemed so – happy.’ His voice cracks on the last word. Iris gives him a sad little smile and offers him a tissue.

 

Barry jerks awake in the middle of the night, lets out a heartwrenching wail and desperately searches for the warmth of Julian’s body next to his. Iris is there in the next moment, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight as he cries for Julian.

 

The next morning when he’s feeling better, Barry leaves a little note in Iris’s coffee cup. _Don’t know what I’d do without you. Best sister a guy could wish for. Thank you._

*

 

Julian sleeps fitfully, starting awake at the slightest sound. It seems Caitlin is watching TV in the next room, and it’s such a mundane thing for his captor to do. The luminous hands of his watch tell him it’s five in the morning, but he’s wide awake. He wonders what Caitlin thinks of Killer Frost’s actions when she’s just herself. He thinks of his own black-outs, of not knowing what he did as Alchemy.

 

And suddenly, he knows exactly what to do.

 

*

 

‘I thought we were friends, Caitlin.’

 

This is a ploy. She can see that quite clearly. She hands Julian a sandwich and some water and refuses to respond to a statement so obviously designed to get her talking. Instead, she makes it snow inside the room, and watches as Julian shudders and pulls the blankets around him. She lets him.

 

‘You refused to give up on me.’ His eyes are determined, a cold touch in them that matches her own. ‘Do you hear me, Caitlin? All I wanted was to be left alone to deal with it after I found out I was Alchemy. But you couldn’t let it go. _You_ invited me to Christmas.’ He’s almost smiling when he remembers that party – the night he and Barry got together. ‘ _You_ offered me a job with the team, even though Barry wanted to keep me far away from superhero business. _You_ insisted on befriending me.’

 

She grabs hold of his collar, jerks him up so she’s right in his face, a sharp icicle forming underneath her fingers. ‘You better watch it –’

 

Julian is unphased. ‘So now, am I supposed to just sit by and watch you give in to the darkness?’

 

He’s not going to get under her skin. He is not.

 

*

 

He knows she’s got the cuffs in her pocket. He saw her put them there yesterday and he can see their outline now. All he has to do is rile her up some more so he can get close enough to pickpocket her.

 

‘You and I, we’re the same, Caitlin.’ He carefully steps in closer, and now she’s the one who’s unnerved, and not him. ‘We’ve both got this darkness inside of us and it would be _so easy_ to let it win...’ He leans in for a kiss and, impossibly, she closes her eyes and welcomes him. How is she not figuring out this ruse? He needs to be quick about it, slides his arms around her waist and pulls his weapons right out of her pocket.

 

He manages to slap one of the power-dampening cuffs on her. It stays on just long enough for Julian to wrestle her to the ground. And once she’s there, he puts the other one on and watches Caitlin try to use her powers in vain, even as the room warms up around them. Her eyes flare up dangerously but he’s not about to let her defeat him.

 

He actually apologises before knocking her out.

 

Julian locks Caitlin up, rummages through her handbag and finds her car keys. He drives away and never looks back.

 

*

 

Barry’s still asleep when there’s an insistent knock on his door. He drags himself out of bed reluctantly, and answers the door in his pyjamas.

 

He barely has time to register dirty clothes, a tear-streaked face and dishevelled blond hair, and then Julian is in his arms, finally. ‘Barry,’ he whispers, barely audible.

‘Julian. _Julian._ What happened?’ It’s perfectly clear now that Julian never left him. His appearance and the way his eyes shine when he looks at Barry tell a very different story. He guides Julian to the couch, sits him down and holds him as he cries.


End file.
